It began as the GODFATHER OF MATH, evolved into the GOODFATHER OF MATH. Now this. Go figure...

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The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = G. CARLIN...Stain glass, engraved glass, frosted glass
–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES ... Music is the mathematics of the gods=PYTHAGORAS ... Nothing is more fluid than language = R. L. SWIHART
I cannot live without the oxygen of laughter = DAWN POWELL ... !!! ... But laughter cannot survive without the hydrogen of gravitas = PAUL OLIVERIO
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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Reality is Cheap

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 Paulette Petard is a former classmate at the Lewis Carroll School of Logic.

 Paulette Petard was my lover at the Lewis Carroll School of Logic.

 She was the pillow upon which I would rest my head.

 Sometimes, the pillow was made of mortar.

 Paulette was made of 100% schlangya.

 I had no idea what that meant.

 We will now let her explain:


"Paul, it didn't matter what I studied.

 It didn't matter how hard I partied or how soft.

 What mattered is that I was pure unadulterated schlangya:

 A Persian word for the absence of failure  or  the guarantee of success. 

 Hollywood beckoned but I was not an actress and I definitely did not want to direct."



 Paulette became a producer of television shows. Her nickname was "the checkbook chick."

 A successful TV sitcom or drama would ultimately be worth one million dollars a month

 to cover all the checks the chick had to sign.

 But it would pain her to pay actors more than one million dollars a year to do nothing but

 move in front of a camera and convincingly mouth the words of a scriptwriter who

 made much less than one half of that amount.

 Scripted television shows, regardless of subject matter or type, would never have

 become endangered if actors remained under contract like the film stars of the best decades

 in Hollywood history. The decades resulting in Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Wizard of Oz,

 On The Waterfront...


"Paul, those films were before my time, of course but when contract

  acting met its demise, the producer's profit margin took a nosedive until what we put 

  in front of the camera was not a trained and highly overpaid actor or actress but what
  
  I will call real people.

"That sure is a much nicer name for them than 'cheap labor' 

   which is exactly what they were. People who would stand in front of a camera for 
  
   monkey paychecks instead of gorilla paychecks. The only acting direction we give them 

   is 'the stupider you behave, the more successful we will be.'

"But the concept would have been a big flop if we called it
                                                                                                
  CHEAP TV   therefore we named it in honor of real people. We called it  REALITY TV 

  and the producer's profit margins have gone intergalactic.  They will continue to do so 

  because of a misnomer on a mission. It will always be  known as Reality TV  because 

  there is a pool of fools who will believe whatever we tell them to believe. We can put 

  a pile of manure on their television screen, computer or mobile device and we can make 

  them think of nothing but the white palomino who delivered it. The people you see in

  Reality TV are merely uncaged monkees with lots of make-up but some of them, 

  admittedly, have great tits and ass. Reality TV.  But it pays for my lear jet.

"However, that does not mean the name has never been 

  genuine or authentic. Reality TV began and ended on 9/11. 

  The only day in history to be remembered as a fraction."



"Wow, Paulette, I never heard of September 11th in those terms before."

"Wow, Paul..."

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because when I share what is my innermost thoughts,  I am constantly

  being told by people  I never heard ____ explained that way before."

"If your 'innermost thoughts' are as interesting as how you described the first day

 of World War III, then I can't blame people for saying that. Consider it flattery

 as a side dish when the main course is your verbal bouillabaisse."

"But there was a time in my life when I was always saying variations

 of  I've never heard that before."

"Oh really, when was that?"

"Back in college, when you were my lover, my mentor, and

 my greatest source of frustration."

"Oh, Paulette. I've never heard me explained that way before."

   
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Footnote
REALITY IS CHEAP  is the copyrighted property of LCSoL. 
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12 comments:

  1. Eh, puttana—keep off my man-a!
    —Mrs. Carpeo

    ReplyDelete
  2. YOU, YOU SCOUNDREL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your jealousy is extremely erotic...

    I hope we hear more from Ms.Petard
    or her cousin, Marilyn Maxim,
    the cliche Queen of Quebec,
    whom I met in Milwaukee.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Even though everything PPP (Paulette la Prostituta Petard) said is true,
    the so-called reality stars are manipulated and edited, thus scripted.

    The public never tires of vicarious luxury, somewhat like playing
    with paper dolls in doll houses of the super rich. Fun for little grown girls.

    Is Brian Williams (I'm not a fan) the Joe Paterno of television news?
    Was he not manipulated to provide some excitement for the "reality"?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is Brian Williams the Joe Paterno of television news?

    Great sound byte.
    Sounds like something PPP might have said.

    The reality of PPP is that all of the above
    was based on a telephone conversation.

    She called me from an unidentified cell phone
    and would not say where she was.

    Maybe, she is producing a documentary on Brian Williams
    but she's got too much bravado to think up the Paterno analogy.

    A major difference between those two men is...
    Williams was guilty of egregious "lies of commission"
    while Paterno was guilty of locker room "lies of omission,"
    re-branded by the media that eminently included BW.

    I hope no one confuses Brian Williams of the NY Newsies
    with Bernie Williams of the NY Yankees.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did both men act-unact due to pressure
      from pressure of the unsullied higherups?

      P.S. PPP is calling from her bordello.

      Delete
    2. Pressure can be exponential and to quote Ms. Bordello,
      Brian Willliams is someone who could
      "convincingly mouth the words"
      of a teleprompter.

      But the blame game must go on.

      Delete
    3. That's Madam Bordello to you!

      Delete
  6. I stand corrected
    I sit corrected
    Then I stand and stretch
    Then I sit and misspell a woid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then I remember a most famous campus quote
      from a student named Paulete Petard:
      I'm not distracted...I am writing something.

      I would think she has since upgraded those words:
      I'm not distracted...I am texting something.

      Delete
    2. Memory may appear to misspell yet again
      but such is not the case. I would spell out
      her first name with one t to preserve ink.

      Now, I am reminded of THE most famous
      campus quote from the school's namesake:
      Such is human perversity!

      He wrote those words in response to
      JABBERWOCKY mispronunciations.

      Delete