.....................................If Tailfins Were Wings.....................................

________________________________________________________________________________________________

If 1957 expressions of 4-wheeled optimism 

could fly, a Plymouth Belvedere

could get us above and beyond

all of our problems!

And instead of regarding

such automotive ornamentation

as an aerodynamical handicap,

we would ALL regard it with 

aesthetic appreciation

and cool comments!
                   

 But big-finned cars were "gas guzzlers"

(as opposed to having vehicular personality)

and, of course, we needed to drive cars

with better gas mileage.

Therefore, in due time, all the car designers
denuded all cars from anything resembling personality.

New Cars were all "streamlined" but that is only

a fancy way of saying they were lobotomized!

Today, most families own SUV's

which are twice the size 

of the legendary gas guzzlers.

The average gas mileage of 

these behemoth station wagons

is approximately 13 miles to the gallon

which is a hell of a lot worse than 

what that Cadillac or the Belvedere got.

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Footnotes
IF TAILFINS WERE WINGS
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.

The cartoon is from  Harry Bliss.

The car images are from  Jay Pegg.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank God For Switzerland (But Probably Not For Germany)

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Switzerland To Finance Research Into Disputed Art

The Swiss government announced this week that it would spend almost $2 nillion to finance research to help museums track down the ownership of art that may have been illegally taken by the Nazis during World War II.

In the toilet tanks of the Swiss government

can be found more human decency than in 

the entire brainpower of

the German government.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Saul Steinberg: Not LOL funny but TABTL Funny

________________________________________________________________________________________________

TABTL = Think A Bit Then Laugh

 

Saul Steinberg (5x)

Mr. Steinberg was born with
both pixilated skin and an extremely rare
auditory-olfactory overlap.

His nostrils functioned as a third eye.

Dr. Hay WadaMinit advised his parents
to keep Saul out of school and keep him 
supplied with an endless quantity
of drawing pads.

During his toddler years, his parents read
one and only one children's story.
It contained exactly seven words:

There is no such thing
as Nebraska 

Conde Nast  Loves  Saul Steinberg

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Paul, Debra Winger, And Photographer Paul

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio

Never before has there been a TV Drama that is pure talk.
IN TREATMENT  is set–almost exclusively–
in Dr. Paul Weston's office.

The psychiatrist is portrayed by  Gabriel Byrne.

This Showtime series is  truly multi-national:

It originated in Israel and the lead actor is from Ireland.

The series is  written by  a Latino.

The  executive producer  is African-American
and OMG one of the patients is
Debra Winger. 

She has lost some of her rasp but
none of her magnificent beauty 
nor her magnificent acting abilities.

This photographer is proud
to be her "Third Eye." 

However, this photographer's favorite patient
of Dr. Weston's is an eight-year-old boy
named Oliver (Aaron Grady Shaw).  

________________________________________________________________________________________________

John Cazale: Appeard In Exactly Five Films = Fifteen Oscars

________________________________________________________________________________________________

He was Fredo in  The GodFather.

In  Godfather II,  he dies on a boat.

Together, those two films won
nine Oscars.

He was in  The Deer Hunter,
which won five Oscars.

He was in  Dog Day Afternoon
with Al Pacino. The film won 
one Oscar.

He was in   The Conversation
with Gene Hackman.

It was nominated for three Oscars.

John Cazale  neither won nor was ever
nominated for an Oscar.

He died much too soon but I blame God for his death
just as I blame God for the death of John Lennon,
Marilyn Monroe, and Jimi Hendrix.

When God gets hungry for talent, 
He will settle for only the best.
He just snatches them away from us.

Robin Williams did not commit suicide.
He just got snatched.

At the age of thirty-three, John died
during the filming of the Deer Hunter.

No one will debate that Meryl Streep
is the greatest living actress.

John Cazale  was her first true love.

Al Pacino (and others) will tell you 
how important Cazale 
was to a movie set.

To hear Pacino say
John was the most giving actor 
I've ever worked with, 
the most involved 
and sensitve,
all you got to do is get this DVD →       

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sic But True #2: This Is Saul There Is

________________________________________________________________________________________________

He was neither 
Raul nor Paul
He was  Saul


He was neither
Goldberg nor Feinberg
He was  Steinberg

________________________________________________________________________________________________

       

Palm Towers: A Condo For Woodworms

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio

But not all woodworms 
need apply.

Only those directly descended
from the woodworm present
on Noah's Ark.

That woodworm was
THE STOWAWAY 

And reported his findings 
to Julian Barnes

Evidently, Noah was not
as heroic as other reporters 
Biblical scholars would 
have you believe.

Part of what that 

Woodworm had to say:

While they said they’d take two of each  species, when it came down to it... 

Some creatures were simply 

NOT WANTED ON VOYAGE.

That was the case with us;

that’s why we had to stowaway.

And any number of beasts,

with a perfectly good legal argument 

for being a separate species,

had their claims dismissed.

No, we’ve  got two of you already,

they were told.
 
Well, what difference do 

a few extra rings around  the tail make?

We've got you, Sorry.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

::: Sic But True: PHARMER'S ALMANAC (January 28, 2016) :::

________________________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Big Pharma to sell drug called Expensiva
which has contraindication
of empty feeling in pockets.

____________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnote

SIC BUT TRUE (PHARMER'S ALMANAC)

is the copyrighted property of LCSoL. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

This Is Not...This Is (TIN/TI #20)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

⬆ 

THIS IS NOT 
Refrigerator art 

      THIS IS 
Refrigerator art

   ⬇⬇  

 

The first image is what you see
when you google  Helen Frankelthaler. 

The next page in this series is  here. 

 _______________________________________________________________________________________________

Always There When I Need Him: If Only Reverse Had Been True

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I am presently eleven years older

than my father was when he died.

We presently have

very meaningful conversations

whenever I feel the need

to conduct them

I was twenty-one years old

when he died

but I have yet to see

a more handsome man than he

...AND...

All of the above equally applies
—with gender differential—
to my mother

 

The one exception:
I am sixteen years older
than she ever was 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Walmart Blues: 48 Hours Before The Doors Are Locked Forever

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio (3x)
Six Blocks From The Pacific Ocean
(90802) 

This might never have happened
if they had agreed to publish my book:
A Shoplifter's Guide to Walmart

So be it  

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Barney Miller's Fish And Michael Corleone's Rat... R.I.P.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

ABE VIGODA
died yesterday, one month shy 
of his ninety-fifth birthday.

In  THE GODFATHER,
Abe portrayed  Tessio,
a trusted compatriot
of Don Corleone
who ultimately
conspires to kill 
the Don's heir: 
Michael Corleone.

In the TV sitcom,  Barney Miller,  he was Fish.

Abe Vigoda's acting career  spanned eight decades.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Because She Smoked Two Packs Of Cigarets Every Day...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Pat Welsh  was chosen
to provide the voice of  E.T.




She was paid  $380 
for her services.

But during rehearsals of 

E.T. the Extraterrestrial,

the voice was provided 

by  Debra Winger.

This page is 100% fiction-free but hyperlink-heavy.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jewish Heirs Sue Swiss Museum to Recover Constable Painting

________________________________________________________________________________________________

PARIS-
Jewish descendants of the owner of a John Constable
landscape have sued to reclaim the painting
from a regional Swiss museum where it hangs
now with a note acknowledging that 
it was illegally seized during World War II.

Since 2006, the heirs of Anna Jaffé and
the Musée des Beaux-Arts in La Chaux-de-Fonds
in northwest Switzerland have clashed over the rights
to the landscape, “Dedham From Langham,” 
an 1813 scene of the English countryside
that has been valued at about $1 million.
...

Text is verbatim

Another article about same subject is  here.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnotes
Kudos to the Musee des Beaux-Arts for acknowledging
the painting was "illegally seized."

The absence of such acknowledgement–
wherever fine is on exhibit–in no way indicates
that "illegal seizure" does not figure
into whatever art is being exhibited.

But in no way should that diminish
the aesthetic appreciation of the exhibited work!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Broadcasthoughtitis

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Either her space bar wasn't working or Mrs. CarPeo discovered a disease that we all should have, when in the proper company or an email/text  is received by someone near and dear to the sender.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

In 1936, Spuyten Duyvil And Northern-most Manhattan...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Were connected by the Henry Hudson Bridge.

Thirteen years later, I was born.

Sixty-years after that, on the
eleventh day of October–
I crossed that bridge.

Less than ninety hours later,
having traversed twelve states
and three thousand miles,
I arrived home in 
Long Beach, 
California.

My distinct memory of crossing that bridge was an exclamation:

I take the Henry to the George 

The bridge spanning the Spuyten Duyvil Creek segued into the

Henry Hudson Parkway in Harlem and down the road apiece–

crossing a much wider body of water–

was the George Washington Bridge,

free of toll when entering

New Jersey.

It was the  inkwell hour 
of 5AM and this image 
of the George is 
exactly what I saw
from the Henry.


Unfortunately, I did not take that picture.
I was too busy driving at that hour 
to take any photographs.

I was too busy Sputening my Duyvil 
despite having no idea what that means.

Anyway, one month after returning to Long Beach,
I received a letter from the Henry Hudson
Bridge Commission.

I had neglected to pay a $5.50 toll and there was
a $5 late fee to be added to that amount.

Honestly, I did not do so intentionally.

I had been too excited about taking 
the Henry to the George to notice
the toll booth.

Maybe Spuyten Duyvil means
Spitting on the Devil.

The week before Christmas, I called the number 
on the citation and something wonderful happened.

Wonderful is not a word often associated with
having to pay a traffic citation but I was told
that the late fee did not apply.

In other words, I was given–approximately–
a 50% discount on a bill I had to pay.

I wished the lady on the phone 
a Merry Christmas and she did 
the same to me.

What I wish for today is that
I were back in the arms 
of the woman for whom
I drove to New York
last summer.

If only she could Spuyten her Duyvil
and walk through my door...

She would 
no longer 
have to 
send me
pictures
like this 
one →

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Most (If Not All) Parents Will Understand This HBO Quote

________________________________________________________________________________________________

                                              
Having a teenager is like going
to the dark side of the moon.   
Dr. Paul Weston
(portrayed by Gabriel Byrne)
In Treatment

________________________________________________________________________________________________

IT'S REALLY REALLY LONG...Is An Actual NY Times Headline

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Begin with the number 1 and then double it

...double it again...and again...and again...

The results will look like this

1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64...

To get up to 64 is not too difficult a task

for most humans.

...

A computer at 

the University of Central Missouri

(Machine #5 in Room 143)

repeated this doubling process

more than seventy four million times

and then–for good measure–subtracted 1

...

The result is the 15th GIMP

  (Great Internet Mersenne Prime)

And  Curtis Cooper  discovered

THE NEW LARGEST PRIME NUMBER

22,338,618

is how many digits are in this 

REALLY, REALLY LONG

number

New York Times
(1-22-16)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

And Now Presenting... Saggie ...The Nephew Of Oscar

________________________________________________________________________________________________

And Now Presenting an Analogy:
Saggie is to the 
Screen Actors Guild
as Oscar is to the
Academy of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnote
The image is from  Art Daily.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

A Poem From Barbara Crooker

________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Monopoly: 1955

We start by fanning out the money, colored


like Necco wafers: pink, yellow, mint, gold.


From the first roll of the dice, differences widen:


the royal blues of Boardwalk and Park Place


look down their noses at the grapey immigrants


from Baltic and Mediterranean Avenues.


My grandparents coming from Italy in steerage


measured their gold in olive oil, not bank notes


and deeds. The man in the top hat and tuxedo


always holds the good cards. The rest of us


hope we can pay the Electric Company.


We know there is no such thing as Free Parking

and Bank Errors are never in our favor.


In the background, Johnny Mathis croons


Chances Are from the cracked vinyl radio.


We played for hours, in those years


before television, on the Formica table,


while my mother coaxed a chicken,


cooking all day on the back burner, to multiply


itself into many meals. The fat rose to the surface,


a roiling ocean of molten gold.

Barbara Crooker 

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Homemade (©omic Relief #909)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

"This is Mr. Beep.

The party to which you want to speak

is unspeakable at this time.

Please leave a message

when I repeat my name."

© Oliverio/Robson

________________________________________________________________________________________________

A Pavoratti Meatloaf Duet For Dawn Powell And Princess Diana

________________________________________________________________________________________________

In 1932,  Dawn Powell entitled a novel 
Comeback To Sorrento but, to her chagrin,
it was originally published 
with a different title. 

The story is about an aspiring opera singer,
Connie Benjamin, who marries a shoemaker 
and lives in rural Ohio where there is nothing

resembling high culture.

The image of Ms. Powell on the previous page 
appears in a lecture given by a historian.
That lecture is  here. 

In 1995,  Luciano Pavarotti and Meatloaf
(the rock n' roller,  not the dish)
sang the song which inspired 
the title of Ms. Powell's novel.

I would like to believe that  Princess Diana, 
who attended the benefit concert,
gave at least one thought
to the late, great Dawn Powell
during the bi-lingual song sung by
  Mr. Pavarotti and Mr. Meatloaf. 

Dean Martin  also sang it bi-lingually.

The complete lyrics, 
in both English and Italian,
are  there.

Dawn Powell's next page is  here. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

D. Powell Poetry :: :: Autumn In Ohio (1932) :: :: An Excerpt

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Little houses warmed themselves

in the scarlet glory

of overhanging maples

Hydrangeas gloomily cherished

their last rusty blossoms

Withering hedges shrunk back

from the little white fences

they had concealed

all summer long.

DAWN POWELL

Come Back To Sorrento 

Her next page is  here. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Photoverio © (#163): When I Am Jolted With Too Much Java...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is what their sign looks like:

© Oliverio

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Photoverio © (#162): El Nino Damage, The Morning After

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio
Two hours after an El Nino "deluge"
hit Southern California, the shadow of
A tree fell on a parking lot!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

.... A New York Deck Duo Defined By A Blizzard Named Jonas ....

________________________________________________________________________________________________

He can still smile

While she is so 

White and proper!

Do you come here often?

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Brother of Al and Buddy

________________________________________________________________________________________________

My mother was Detty
My father was Gus
 

His joke was:
I’d rather drive a bus
 

You know him well
 
You think him swell

I know the wife
he couldn’t 

resist
 

You act as if
she didn’t 

exist

You use his name
consider him great

But without my mother
he couldn’t create:

No birds, no bees
no mountain, no sea
and, of course,

no me!
 

His bus joke began
as he took to gloomin’
after they created
the so-called human

Detty said to Gus
They need to be
more like us

 
At me she pointed
I felt disjointed

(Caught from some wrong I did?)
 

Then she said
Let’s send them
this kid

*

 * 

I did like pranks
I was always a joker

They played games

Their favorite was poker

I'd serve them snacks

while they gambled

and talked

But one night 

I changed their chocolate

into chalk

They got really mad

and started to squalk

I thought a gangplank

they'd make me walk

But all they did was

send me to my room

They made me sweep the floor

with a one-bristle broom

Yet I did get laughs

from my two brothers

As far as equals

there were no others

Al played war games

in the sand

Buddy preferred 

to walk the land

Until he hurt his knees

then he sat cross-legged

under the trees

Eating nothing but cheese

and counting the fleas

When Al stopped laughing

about parents eating chalk

He said Little Brother:

We have to talk

But no gangplank

will you walk

It's worse than that–

you'll learn what its worth–

Cuz Mom and Dad are

sending you to Earth!

The humans will credit you

with miracles–for sure–

When, in truth, you're just 

doing a family chore

But ours is a family

that unfurled 

what others call

the world

The wisdom of humans

is a matter of dearth

You'll be the result

of a–LOL–virgin birth 

Then our father's voice boomed

And I stood up with fear 

Jessie, get your loincloth.

You are outta here!

...

...

...

Returning 33 years later,

with nail holes still fresh

My family was grateful

I still had my flesh 

What did I learn?

They asked with a smile

Was all of our creation

worthwhile? 

The stars and the mountains

are well worth the labor

Dogs, cats,goats...

have such natural behavior

All the birds 

sing so sweet

I thought that 

was pretty neat

Almost all the species

deserve a thumbs up

But somebody please–

pass the wine cup

One question from me

(after some heavy drinking)

When you created "humans"

what were you thinking?  

        

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnotes

THE BROTHER OF AL AND BUDDY
 is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.

Detty is an alternate spelling of Deity.

Gus is a substitute for another
three-letter word beginning with G.

Detty's proper name earned her
the title of  Original Godmother. 

Buddy's favorite cheese was Gouda.
That is why you know him as B____. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________