He Said ... She Said ...Then Along Came THE INSPECTOR

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"May I please speak with the Inspector?"

"One moment please."

"Thank you."

...

"Hello?"

"Yes, Inspector Kramer?"

"Speaking."

"This is Mr. Anonymouse,

from Verifiable Nonsense Consultants."

"Hmmmm.
What can I do for you, Mr. Anonymouse?"

"It has been brought to our attention

that in the execution of your duties,

you perform without the least bit

of humor or wit."

"That statement
is completely accurate, Sir."

"You do not dispute this claim?"

"Absolutely not because
there is nothing funny 
about being an inspector

when the sole purpose of my job

is to appease the King's appetite

for filling his prison.

"He claims

its construction was divinely inspired.

It was built by his three cousins:
Shem, Ham and Japheth."

"Like the three sons of Noah."

"Yes, but they bear

a closer resemblance

to the Three Stooges.
Anyway, The King believes

that which is divinely inspired
must be occupied."

"Then why doesn't the King

live there?"

"Because he feels he is unworthy."

"Unworthy!

Then tell me:

where does the King live?"

"In a Bronx tenement,

disguised as an auto mechanic."

"Bizarre."

"Yes, bizarre but logical:

like all people of noble origin,

the king was born with a silver spoon

in his mouth.
However, the spoon

was coated with silver spray paint

whose toxic ingredients
caused brain damage

at an early age."

"Really?"

"Yes, really and truly.
Will there be any further questions,
 Mr. Anonymouse?"

"No further questions, Inspector Kramer,

but promise me one thing."

"Which is?

"You never received this phone call."

"I haven't heard a word you said, Sir."

"Thank you."

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Footnotes

HE SAID ... SHE SAID...

THEN ALONG  CAME THE INSPECTOR

is the copyrighted property of LCSoL

Under the title, "The Inspector,"

this page was originally written

on January 2, 1978

It was dedicated to Maxim Gorky

and the Port Jefferson Slavic Center

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