The Swift Reader Of Books

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We  have discovered

a shorter and more prudent method

to become scholars and wits,

without the fatigue of reading

or of thinking.

The most accomplished way

of using books at present is twofold: 

either first to serve them

as some men do lords:

learn their titles exactly,

and then brag of their acquaintance.

Secondly, which is indeed

the more profound

and more polite method:

to get a thorough
insight into the index
 by which the whole book

is governed and turned,

like fishes by the tail. 

To enter the palace of learning

at the great gate requires

an expense of time and forms.

Therefore men of much haste

and little ceremony are content

to get in by the back-door. 

For the arts [and sciences]

are all in a flying march,

and therefore more easily subdued

by attacking them in the rear. 

Physicians discover the state

of the whole body by consulting

only what comes from behind. 

Men catch knowledge

by  throwing their wit

on the posteriors of a book,

as boys do sparrows with

flinging salt upon their tails.

And human life is best understood

by the wise man’s rule of regarding

the end.

Thus are the sciences found

like Hercules' oxen:

by tracing them backwards.

And the old sciences unravelled

like old stockings by beginning

at the foot.

***   

JONATHON SWIFT

A Tale of a Tub

(1704)

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Footnotes
The italics within the body of the text
were included in the original manuscript,
over three hundred years ago

But extremely minor changes were made
to the entire text by Bloggy Verio,
less than thirty minutes ago

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