What My Pastor Said About That Sacrilegious Photograph

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 I was able to access

the church statuary

lastWednesday

after my morning walk

to Starbucks

 

When I had left home,

the sky was gun-metal grey

which was perfect weather

for a perambulation

 

Unannounced, 

the big yellow ball

hijacked the sky

immediately after

I left the coffee shop

 

There was

virtually no shade

for the next mile 

 

All I could think about

was the cool shade

under the nave

of St. Anthony's

 

I hadn't intended to

go to church

but it was one block east

of my route home

 

However, 

all doors and the front gate

of the church

were locked

 

Not so for the back gate

 

So I entered the statuary

 But something was burning

and it was my feet

 

Being an old-school 

kind of guy,

my oldest socks

were my favorite

 

There was a slim chance 

that they had been purchased

this millennium

 

But now

my feet were on fire

and they were the reason

 

So

I sat under a shade tree

in front of St. Anthony

 

Quickly,

I removed the shoes

and the inflammatory socks

 

There was barefoot relief 

and a  National Lampoon notion

of a hagiographic photo

 and

(of course)

disposal of the tattered hose

 

However,

Somebody shouted

with a sense of urgency:

 

 You're not supposed

to be in here

I have to lock the  gate

 

That was Reggie

—school security guard—

who knows me

from my church gig

as a bagman an usher

 

I was off church property

quicker than you can say 

the HAIL MARY prayer

 

The photo had been taken

the feet were shod socklessly

but what I hadn't done

was move the socks

from their sacrilegious position

 

 

Then along came First Friday

when the CarPeos

go to church

(Sundays are too crowded

and Covid-ish for our liking)

 

I zapped my way 

through a speed recital 

of the  Rosary

out of guilt

for my "funny photo"

 

After mass,

I asked Father George

if anyone had brought

to his attention

a pair of errant socks

in the Church Garden

 

"No"

he said

(Thank God)

 

So I confessed my sin

and

he said

 

You did nothing wrong

Even saints need socks

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