Tuesday, March 29, 2022

© Autobiography Of No One In Particular © ... Chapter 21

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Chapter 21
 
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Nothing 
would delight me more
 
is my Godmother
 
His father was the best man
at my parents' wedding
 
My Godmother
—Catherine Oliverio—
will always be 
known as
"Aunt Kay"
 
My Uncle
—William P. Kampe—
will always be 
known as
"Uncle Willy"
 
He had the highest IQ
 of all my relatives
and the last time
I saw him
—in Tarpon Springs, Florida—
he made mincemeat
of me
on the chessboard

Later that month 
(May, 1981)
I became a California resident

The last time I saw Aunt Kay
(by then, a widow)
was co-piloted
by a bottle of scotch
 
The last time I saw
Richard Kampe
was after the funeral
of our funniest Uncle
—Paul Vernon Oliverio—
and that night in 1999
was as memorable
as my last night
with Aunt Kay

Uncle Paul was born 
on October 16th
which is the date
Richard passed away
in 2014

He died exactly
thirty-three years
after his prettiest Aunt
—my Mother—
passed away
***
 
I owe an apology
to Richard's widow
—my cousin Susan—
because she invited me
to visit the family
in South Carolina
 
That  was October, 2015,
when I drove 
thirty-two hundred miles
from Katonah, NY
to Long Beach, CA
 
Not only did I not 
visit my cousin
but I have not
spoken to her since
that time

According to his "Wiki Page,"
Richard Kampe was
the President of Tobacco
for RJ REYNOLDS
 
Therefore,
I also apologize to 
the Health Nazis
who were expecting me
to dig up some dirt
 on my beloved cousin
••• 
 
   

The next chapter
is  TBD
 
The first chapters
of this autobiography
are  there 
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Monday, March 28, 2022

Scamology And The Silver Screen

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Sometimes, we believe liars
because we like the story
they're selling us
about ourselves.
:::

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Triangulated Words Rhyming With Relief

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When joy overcomes
your sense of grief
that is the time
to suspend
disbelief
:::
 
©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©
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Sunday, March 27, 2022

What A Sap

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© Oliverio (Photoverio 692.5)
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Picnic Scene Inspired By Johnson + Johnson + Whimsy

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(2005)
© Oliverio
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Friday, March 25, 2022

Photoverio #692: Midnight On Sign Street

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© Oliverio
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A Poem Inspired By SHENENDOAH NATIONAL PARK

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© Paul Oliverio (2001)
 
This poem is dedicated to
my Sister's family
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Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Re-Arranging The Lyrics Of ARTHUR LEE + Love

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I fade into the crowd
 
I can see you
you're my face
 
Everyone I saw
was just another
part of me
 
Once upon a time
I was 
Pigtails in the morning
 
I believe in magic
why?
because it is so quick
 
Write your rules
in the sky
 
This is the only thing
I am sure of 
 
There's a bluebird 
sitting on a branch
 
This is the end
:::
 
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Stupidity Said To Intelligence

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Stupidity
said to
Intelligence
"You got nothing on me"

Intelligence 
said to 
Stupidity
"How sad that be"

She continued:
"Nothing I can do
can't be warped
by you
 
"I've got egg on my face,
I'm dripping with yoke
because you are
the Creator's joke"
 
He said
"That's more than rumor.
How could they create
without a sense of humor"
 
Intelligence said
(she was feeling numb)
"You make me feel
so dumb"
:::
 
©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©
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LAGUNACY Page Thirteen: At Bleach Beach ...


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Feet
get stuck
in the sand
© Oliverio

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Tragedy In Long Beach ... Gets Reversed ...

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However
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Re-Arranging Dylan Lyrics From BLONDE ON BLONDE

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Five believers
balance on your head
like a bottle of wine
walking on stilts

Introduced as friends,
the guilty undertaker
wants you so bad
you forgot to lock
the garage door
 
Your scarf kept
your mouth well-hid
with your fog,
your amphetamines
and I just can't fit
***
 
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Tuesday, March 22, 2022

LAGUNACY Page Twelve: Bleached Mural

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© Oliverio
 
Page Thirteen is  here
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Monday, March 21, 2022

Last Saturday Night ... Where Vivaldi Met Bach

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© Oliverio
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Sunday, March 20, 2022

LAGUNACY Page Eleven: Above The Door

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© Oliverio
 
 
Page Twelve is  here
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Umberto Eco And The Other CIA

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has determined that
was a card-carrying member
of the other CIA:

They based that conclusion
on the subject matter
(monastery murders)
and 
philosophical insights
(1000 of them)
in his epic novel
!!!
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A Quote From JAMES LEO HERLIHY

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When somebody's lying to you
it makes him feel more at ease
somehow to think
you're pretty dumb.
:::

Laughter In The Graveyard
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Musica Angelica And The Nines

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I was dressed
to the nines
with
grandiose ideas
in my hip pocket

So grandiose,
I wore a ring
and was ready
to have
a kissing line

Conversations complete
at the blink
of an eye
with
the cellist from Peru
 
She was cuter 
than a button
and I juggled
buttonholes
:::
:::
 
I swallowed every note
with glee
but poor me:
 
I never said a word
to anyone
 :::

 ©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©

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Saturday, March 19, 2022

LAGUNACY Number Ten: Above It All

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© Oliverio
 
 
Page Eleven is  here
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If Only We Could Just Put Them In Storage

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Comic Relief #4358
GARY LARSON
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Friday, March 18, 2022

Food For Thought Thought For Food

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I won't 
lay down the law
but I'll
make you some
cole slaw

I won't
cut you
down to size
but I'll
make you some
french fries

I won't
resist a merger
but I'll
grill you a
cheeseburger
:::

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LAGUNACY Page Nine: What A Relief ... Bas

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© Oliverio 
 
 
Page Ten is  here
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LAGUNACY Page Eight: What A Relief ... Detail

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© Oliverio 
 
Page Nine is  here
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Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Her First Week As A Californian, Mrs. CarPeo Shot Me

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!!!
© Mrs. CarPeo (2015)
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LAGUNACY Page Seven: Hillside View

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!!!
© Oliverio
 
 
Page Eight is  here
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Photoverio #671: I Found A Flower

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1128 e.4th St, 90802
© Oliverio
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The 165th Bullet: Qualifying Socrates

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is not worth living
BUT
the life examined
24/7
is also
not worth living
  
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Footnote
is the copyrighted property
of LCSoL
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LAGUNACY Page Six: Security Sam

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He was known as
"Security Sam"
and he looked familiar:

Younger and much thinner
back in 2nd millennium,
when he was known as
"Skinny Sam"
 
His job is to make certain
that no one removes
any stone or pebbles from 
the Laguna Beach shore
 
He either issues warnings or
—if he encounters belligerence—
he calls the city police
***
 
© PAUL OLIVERIO ©
 
Page Seven is  here 
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Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Photoverio #670: Up On The Roof

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© Oliverio
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LAGUNACY Page Five: Driving Uphill Into MemoryLand

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Beyond the green light, these cars will ascend
for the next half-mile
***
***

During my brief tenure as a married man,
there was one  and only one day
when I drove to Laguna twice
 
It was 1985 and I was living in Vista,  
approximately forty-five miles 
south of Laguna 

I was teaching summer school
in San Juan Capistrano
and needed some noontime sustenance

I drove up Pacific Coast Highway,
through San Clemente and just over
the peak of a long hill,
I had a revelation:

There was
 a FREE parking space
in front of a Bar & Grill

After eating a burger and fries,
I asked the waiter if I could play
the baby grand piano

He handed me a bar coaster for my Budweiser,
and here comes a rock-solid truth
about my piano-playing:

I am not good enough to play
anyone else's music
but for fifteen minutes,
I can impress anyone with ears
 
While I was playing,
someone I never saw
comes running out of an office, 
  heaping praise on the pianist
 
He wore a pink paisley Hawaiian shirt
and asked if I would perform there
some evening
 
I said "Sure" and he asked
if I could play there
that evening
 
I drove home and assumed
my wife would go with me
back to Laguna
 
Unfortunately.
the intensive-care nurse
had to work that night
 
I returned to Laguna
but not to a free parking space
 
After ten minutes of looking
for one, I paid $5
and figured What the hell!
 
That's Show biz
and I walked eight blocks
to the Bar and Grill
 
I had a date
with a Baby Grand
***
***
 
A few dollars were dropped
into the tip cup,
with apologies from the pianist
"I don't take requests"
because I am playing
only my own music
 
The fifteen minute barrier
was reached and the Inevitable
reared its ornery head:
everything else sounded
the same as what
I had already played
 
None of the tippers
nor anyone I saw
in the Bar and Grill
was female
but Mr. Paisley Pink
—who owned the joint—
angrily approached the piano
and sent me home
 
Mr. Pink set a precedent:
three Chinese Restaurants
in San Diego
hired me to play piano
 
At none of them
did  I play more than
twenty minutes
before being asked 
to leave,
albeit politely
 
Every word of this visit
to MemoryLand
is 100% true
 ***
 
© PAUL OLIVERIO ©
 
Page Six is  here
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LAGUNACY Page Four: Horizon And Milky Sky

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© Oliverio
The next LAGUNACY page is here
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Sunday, March 13, 2022

LAGUNACY Page Three: Looking Skyward

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© Oliverio (2x)

Page Four is  here
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LAGUNACY Page Two: Six Signposts And A Honda

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The six signposts
include one
that is part
of a mural

The flora 
in the mid-ground
is not part
of a mural

The car 
in the foreground
is my eighteen-year-old
Honda Civic

Because it provided
the wheels
of transport
to Laguna,
I feel compelled
to give it a visual 
honorable mention
The next LAGUNACY page is  here
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LAGUNACY Page One: Why We Were There

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The two silver-maned women
were Yelp-mates
for a year
without ever being
in the same room
(or state)
 
The familiar face
of Mrs. CarPeo
is in the foreground
 
Rhonda was visiting
from Ohio
and staying at
a hotel
while her boyfriend
was conducting business
in Los Angeles
 
He had their car
 
Rhonda  asked her Yelp-mate
if they could meet
in Laguna
***
***
The two women
sat and talked
on that Starbucks patio 
for close to three hours
 
Mr. CarPeo
sat with them briefly,
contributing very little
to their conversation
 
He preferred it that way,
being snap-happy
with his camera
and walking through
one hundred and one
Laguna memories
LAGUNACY continues here
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Good News For The United States Of America ... However

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If you live in these
United States,
you don't need need
hyperlinks to know
that virtually
everywhere
mandatory
covid-masking
is a thing of the past.
 
Albeit daring,
this is very good news
and our lives can return
to some resemblance 
of normal
 
HOWEVER,
has discovered 
a new mandate
being created by
the American Dental Association
and 
the American Beautification Association
 
ADA and ABA
are petitioning legislators
to require facial masks
for anyone
over the age of 21 
who is missing
four or more teeth
 
Unfortunately,
I know all about 
this evolving 
face mask mandate
 
My code name
is 
Exhibit A
---
 
a/k/a
© PAUL OLIVERIO ©
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