Five Lines From Hooda Helami Explaining What A Poet Is

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A poet is a weaver

with an eye

on the birds

weaving their flight

into words

***

©  HOODA HELAMI  ©

Alter Ego #142857

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Variations On A Theme (Comic Relief #4676)

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**

GARY LARSON

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AOC + One Thousand Monkeys + Zero Hyperlinks

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Congresswoman AOC

stood in front of

one thousand keyboards

at which were seated

one thousand monkeys

"We need a thesis statement,"

she told them

and they started typing

Five hundred monkeys

typed nothing

and were replaced by

five hundred more monkeys

This process was repeated

four times

 

Then she collected 

the results

and combined them

onto one statement

"Thank you very much:

we have our thesis,"

she said

One thousand bananas

were given to

one thousand monkeys

The thesis statement

was given to

Mr. Bill,

 the Monkey-Meister

He is better known as

Bill Maher

and the thesis would be read

in real time

 

Ten percent of it

was truly brilliant

and the other ninety percent

...well...

it was written by monkeys

it was written for monkeys

and presented to the public

by their master

***

©   PAUL OLIVERIO   ©

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"Just The Place For A Boy And His Notebook"

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"Now,"

said the boy,

"If only I had something to write"

With emphasis,

he put his pen

on top of the notebook

and got up

from his chair

He walked around his desk

fifteen times

In truth,

that was physically impossible 

because his desk 

was against the wall

He walked

semi-circularly

around the desk

thirty times

He stopped 

when he saw

the invisible light bulb

flash above his head

The name of the light bulb

was 

Inspiration

 

"Eureka"

exclaimed the boy,

"I now have something to write!"

 

He sat down,

picked up his pen,

and wrote

 —in the middle of the front page—

 

"This is my Notebook."

 

***

©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©

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I Visited This Woman Nine Times

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I want to believe

that she was thinking

of me while pondering 

the burning candle

but that, of course,

was impossible:

the image is a scene from

Pandora's Box,

an extraordinary silent film

from 1929

 

Her name is Louise Brooks

and she oozed sexuality

on the silver screen

like no actress

before or since

 

I needed nine episodes

on YouTube

to watch

the entire film

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Somebody Paid $32,000 For A Previously-Worn Dress

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Everything from  

the Betty White Estate Sale

sold at auction, including a dress 

she wore on The Golden Girls

Total Auction ≈ $4,000,000

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An Image That Is Tattooed To My Skull

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©  Oliverio  ©

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Upon Reading John Updike During Mass At St. Anthony's

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The words of John Updike:

On the beach at night,

it is never totally dark

or totally silent.

The sea soliliquizes, 

the moon broods,

its glitter pattering

in the hyphens 

on the water.

And 

something else 

is happening

:::

 

:::

Any words from 

the gospel

or the sermon

about Jesus Christ

would have been redundant

in relation to

the italic words of John

BUT

the

"something else is happening"

is code

for a Savior

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The Mute Button [Haiku #84]

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  Yesterday,

the mute button

exploded.

But nobody heard

a sound.
 

 

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Footnotes

THE MUTE BUTTON

is the copyrighted property
of LCSoL

 

My haikus
are no longer linked together
because we do not
want to make life
too easy for our favorite thieves

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Speaking Of Cousins

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We thrust and parry

At the Bank of Insults,

it's cash and carry

"So what if my mother

wore combat boots.

At midnight in bed

with my father, 

he couldn't give 

two hoots."

 

"Neither did my father."

 

"I used to wear

clothes like yours

but then I got a job."

 

"Your sister is so fat,

she doesn't need clothes.

She needs aluminum siding."

 

"Your brain has

so much deadwood,

your IQ measures

two by four."

***

***

After the laughter,

we were much alive.

All we could do is

hug and high-five.

***

©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©

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Salvador Dali's Incarcerated Cousin

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***

RUSSELL CRAIG

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Why Is Tina Fey In This Image?

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Given my video preferences,

all options for the next

youtube page make sense

except for what's in

the lower right-hand corner

But  Tina Fey is there

because like

Big Joe Turner

and Mr. Oliverio,

her birthday is

May 18th

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Ode To An Orange Rose

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Orange rose

touched by a finger

gives hope

the chance to linger

that there will be

more of your kind

outside our door

and what's more

We love your fragrance

and your presence

© Photoverio #731.5

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An Almost X-rated Spelling Bee Contest

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If the word above

the honeycomb

—Fellatial—

had been accepted,

an X-rating

would have applied

 

PLEASE 

click on image

to read 

the starred

RED WORD

 

©   Geniusiverio  ©

 

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A Vegetarian And Mediocre Impression Of A Master

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***

©  Paul Oliverio  ©

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About That First Kiss ... With Slight Curvature

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***

FRITZ PERLS

 

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Just The Place For A Hooda Helami Quatrain

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Ignorance is bliss

but the first kiss

might be more blissful

than ignorance

***

HOODA HELAMI

© Alter Ego #142857 ©

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With A Little Luck (Comic Relief #4660)

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GARY LARSON

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Just The Place For Another Hooda Helami Poem

________________________________________________________________________________________________

If everything I know

went toe-to-toe

with everything

I don't know,

 I would lose

all my toes

and get

a broken nose

***

 

©   HOODA HELAMI   ©

Alter Ego #142857

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A Poem Of Mine ... And Yours

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If you lose

all of your marbles

you may borrow mine

Stare through the opaque,

the view is divine

Sanity can be restored

then

and you can call it

Zen

***

©  PAUL OLIVERIO  ©

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A Poem With Curvature

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*

FRITZ PERLS

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The Poetry Of MOLLY DODD

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***

Swollen, sunken
You see me
Piecemeal, oatmeal
Ravaged shape
Against a ghostly wall.

Tears and wine,
And your mortar thighs
Clasping me,
Enveloping me,
And losing me,
Loosening me,
Adrift in nighttime's tomb.

***

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©In Long Beach© ... The Day After Queen Elizabeth Died

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99.9%

of Long Beach 

residents

Would have the same reaction

to this sign:

They are giving something

away for free:

food, clothing,

or maybe,

adult diapers

99.9%

of Long Beach 

residents

would be wrong

***

On September 9th,

Queen Elizabeth died

The next day

this queue began

before sunrise

 

Very orderly

and very quiet,

it was controlled by

Rand Foster,

the owner of 

Fingerprints Music

Queen Elizabeth was

the guiding light

of the 

British Empire

 

But one of her

subjects

was known as

"The Prince of Darkness"

300 people lined up

outside of 

Fingerprints' door

because

Ozzy Osbourne

was autographing copies

of his new book

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Photoverio #731: Just Another Enchanted Forest

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© Oliverio

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Matisse Laundry Service (Comic Relief #4653)

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***

ANJALI  SRIVASTAVA

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Photoverio #730: Then And Now

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© Oliverio

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Photoverio #729: Some Green, Some Shade And This

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All Trunked Up

© Oliverio

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Three Cheers For Subliminal Advertising

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Today's SPELLING BEE Game

is sponsored by

The Coca Cola Company,

Alcoa Aluminum,

and the makers of

KitKat Candy

 

 

 

 

BUT

I'd be eating KitKats

and drinking Diet Coke

with or without their companies

underwriting a word game

I am addicted to playing

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Written Seven Years Year Into The Reign Of Queen Elizabeth

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It is often wondered how

the left-handed salute,

peculiar to Ambrosia,

originated.

 

Accounts differ

but the most widely-held

explanation is that

of the seven men 

who survived the

Battle of Wakefield

all, by an amazing

coincidence,

lost their right arms.

 

It was necessary 

for them to salute

their President.

***

 

KEITH WATERHOUSE

(1959)

The same 

Democratic Monarchy

that gave us Lewis Carroll,

gave us

Mr. Waterhouse,

the author of

Billy Liar

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Hot Weather Music ... With A Deleteable Advert

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If you

shake a tail feather

with all your might

it won't reduce

the fahrenheit

But 

before you're done

it will be

a lot of fun

Just do it

on the front burner

with

Ike and Tina Turner

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This Page Is Dedicated To My Doubting Thomas Readers

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This is my therapist:

Dr. Raft is about to climb

what he referred to as

Black Hills Cathedral Spire #4

 

I get Vicarious Thrills from my Doctor

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Simple Repetitive Jumping Exercise Helps Avoid Violence

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 Jump here 

Jump there

Jump everywhere

***

***

Mellow down easy

When you really want

To blow your top

***

WALTER JACOBS

with deleteable advert

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His Inevitable Tour [Haiku #83]

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  He started his

apology tour

and wisely went

from

door-to-door

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnotes

HIS INVITABLE TOUR

is the copyrighted property
of LCSoL

 

This page was inspired

by a neighbor who

—for all intents and purposes—

is NOT on my

"Favorite People List"

but the feeling

is very mutual

My haikus
are no longer linked together
because we do not
want to make life
too easy for our favorite thieves

________________________________________________________________________________________________

A 1963 Quote From A "Minnesota Musician"

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People talk about trying to change society.

All I know is that so long as people 

stay so concerned about 

protecting their status 

and protecting what they have,

ain’t nothing going to be done. 

There may be some change of levels 

inside the circle, but nobody’s going 

to learn anything.

***

BOB DYLAN

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Imperfect + Anonymous Comment About Queen Elizabeth

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When Mrs. CarPeo Said NO To Queen Elizabeth's Family ...

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Two recent pages

featured Mrs. CarPeo's 

colleagues from Abrams Books

with my better half

sort of standing

on the sideline

 

BUT

Mrs. CarPeo just told me 

a story about her 

reaction to a Royal nephew

of England's Queen:

 

"The head of publicity

asked me

to do calligraphy

for seating arrangements

at a very plush dinner

for the Royal Nephew/author

in New York.

 

"I was overwhelmed with

projects at the time

so I said NO.

 

 "But a stunned book editor 

reacted as if I had said NO

to the kingdom of heaven.

 

"The Royal Nephew

—Lord Linley—

is

Margaret's son

and his 1996 book

was entitled

Extraordinary Furniture."

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A Hot Weather Poem From Hooda Helami

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Air fraught with Fahrenheit

and everywhere

an insect bite

 

My sweat-stained

scratch-mark

vanity

is mobilizing

my insanity

***

© HOODA HELAMI ©

Alter Ego #142857

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He Sent Us A Birthday Gift ... From An Unknown Photographer

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Neil Haas

—artist, book designer, lecturer—

just had another

39th birthday

************* 

************* 

************* 

Anyone experiencing more than

a fortnight of 39th birthdays

may request anonymity

on these pages 

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Six Degrees Of Separation Between Kafka And My Father

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1:Designed by Gilda Kuhlman

 

2. Gilda spends at least five hours a week

on the phone with fellow book designer,

Mrs. Carpeo

 

3. Occasionally, Paul is rude enough

to demand the phone

especially since 

he has become addicted to

New York Times

SpellingBee

contest

 

4. Invariably, discussion 

about Spelling Bee

alludes to Scrabble 

which my father 

introduced  me to 

when I was 

eleven years old.

 

So I told Gilda

the following story:

 

5. After his son played 

a high-scoring word,

my father would intensely look

across the board and call 

his bespectacled offspring

a "genius." 

In truth,  he was reading 

my rack of letters

off the reflection 

of my glasses.

 

He always won the game

even after I caught on

to the chicanery

of my eighth-grade

drop-out Daddy

 

6. Gilda said

—and I am quoting verbatim—

That's the funniest story

I ever heard.

 

Within seconds,

I  handed the phone

back to Mrs. CarPeo

©©©  

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