Rejected Titles For This Image

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© Oliverio
Image In Search Of A Title
(2015) 

1. It's A Man's World

2. It's A Bad Photograph

3. Are Those Really Her Initials?

4. Litter As Advertising

5. How Will His Fiance React To This?

6. Thank God There's Only 1 Hyperlink

7. Cerritos Avenue, 5AM

8. Eight Is Enough




 
________________________________________________________________________________________________

A Stale Danish

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paul Vlag Jensen received the 2014  Rungstedlund Award
for a book of poems  entitled  ULTIMATIVE GUDINDE.

Before you can say  Oliverio's esoterica has gone through the roof,
allow Oliverio to give a ground floor explanation.

The Danish poet has never been translated into English
nor has he ever set foot outside of Denmark.

The only recipient of the Rungstedlund Award
with global name value is  Meryl Streep.

She was the 1993 recipient for her portrayal
of  Karen Blixen  in  Out of Africa.

In American dollars, the award is approximately $4000.

To a reclusive poet, such as P.V. Jensen, that much money is a godsend.

If the title poem of  ULTIMATIVE GUDINDE
were translated into English, ninety percent of it
would duplicate word-for-word  (or word-for-synonym)
a poem that was written by a Vermont high school English teacher.

In 2003,  My Ultimate Goddess  was published in a poetry  e-zine
affiliated with Burlington University.

The editor of the now defunct online-only poetry magazine
was the estranged wife of P. V. Jensen.

For legal reasons, we cannot reveal the name
of the high school English teacher/poet.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Profanity, Pixilations, & Politics

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________________

________________________________

________________________________________________

© Oliverio
How I Earned 5000 Paranoia Points
And Birthed A Long Beach Exit Strategy
(2006)   

________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnotes
For legal reasons, PROFANITY, PIXILATIONS AND POLITICS is not
in the Photoverio series but you may submit an alternate caption.

The present caption was required by my therapist as an alternative
to smearing eggs on my face.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Add Your Own Caption

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________________

________________________________

________________________________________________

© Oliverio
TBD
________________
________________________________
________________________________________________ 

________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnotes
Submit your captions to this web site.
 
TBD  (To Be Determined) is dedicated to my fellow  Peetniks.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Photoverio © (#82): Lake Rorschach

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© Oliverio
Aqua Doodles
(2015) 

Penciled
Somewhere 
In the water

I think I see
Rorschach's
Daughter

The next Rorschach page is here.

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Mickey Mou$e Is In The Hou$e

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                            1934 ‘Two-Gun Mickey’ black and white production cel.  Sold for $13,800.  Hake’s image. 

© Art Daily
Text below the title is verbatim

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Photoverio © (#81): Dirty Laundry

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© Oliverio
Under Their Spell
(2015) 

The pen and pencil set
Always makes me forget–

Though it, I love–
I must wash that glove
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Do Not Read This Page Unless You Are Me

________________________________________________________________________________________________

My therapist has demanded 

          I create this page.

 In the past month, I had not one  

but two truly transcendental moments.

Both of those moments involved a photograph.

The therapist also demanded

that not another word be posted on this page

other than to say, "Thank you, Uncle Dad."
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Mt. Follicle Inspiration Dilemma

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Bugs Bunny
Perforated

Did THIS...................................................... inspire THAT

© Oliverio
My Personal Mt. Olympus

Half of the CarPeo Braintrust

requests that the  Mt. Follicle  page

be re-titled The Hair and The Hare

The  other half  is

a thick-headed

Bronx-born

Italian boy

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Pure Prine

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It was raining. It was cold

West Bethlehem was no place
for a twelve year old

So he packed his bags
and he headed out

To find out what
the world's about

He went to France.
He went to Spain

He found love.
He found pain.

He found stores
so he started to shop

But he had no money
so he got in trouble with a cop

Kids in trouble with the cops

From Israel didn't have no home

So he cut his hair
and moved to Rome

It was there he met
his Irish bride

And they rented a flat
on the lower east side of Rome...

Italy that is

Music publishers, book binders,
Bible belters, Money Changers,

Spoon Benders and lots
of pretty Italian chicks.

John Prine
Jesus, The Missing Years

Warning: the  video  is prefaced
by a 15 second non-skippable advert

The next Prine page is
here 

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Another Petard: Jimmy, James, & Seth

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The newest crop


of late night


talk show hosts


has inspired


the Institute of Inane Research


to coign an uber-acronym



LDQ =


Lap Dog Quotient

If Lap Dogging
measured intelligence,
these are three of the smartest men
in the world



________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnotes
Lap Dog Quotient is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.

If you do not know any of these
talk show hosts by name,
I admire your intelligence

The next "Gurlitt" page is  there. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quoting Paulette Petard: The First Thing...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The first thing God created was Time.

If that was not true, How could 

we know when He did it?

The GoFather of Math bylaws–and the wrath of Mrs. CarPeo–

do not permit us to post an image of Ms. Petard.

However, we hereby present another quote from Ms. P:

God loves us when He has nothing better to do.

 © ©©©©©©©©©©© © 

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ONION NEWS Exclusive: If Not Sooner or Soonest

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Senior Citizen Keeps Mind Active By Contemplating Death

"The end is now. The end is not new!"

"It is just another thing
  you gotta do, like
  paying your taxes
  or just quoting
  Mark Twain."






 


In an effort to remain mentally sharp well into her golden years, 
local senior citizen Evelyn Gordon, 86, told reporters Thursday 
she keeps her mind active by regularly contemplating 
her rapidly approaching death....Gordon added that 
she has also taken to learning something new 
every day about the neurodegenerative 
diseases that will quite possibly 
claim her mind sometime soon, 
if not sooner or soonest.

"All the news that is worth creating"

 






Italic text below title is from............ONION NEWS.................



The next Onion page is  here.



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The Second Coming Finally Delivers Again.

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NO! He did not return as a Pope. He returned as a servant to the Ultimate Jesuit.

Jesus Christ returned to earth with a pizza.

The hand-made pizza will spend eternity
alongside  the heaven-sent spider
that visited the now-retired
Pope Benedict.

 

Pizza maker 

hand-delivers 

a Papal Pie to 

Pope Francis 

But what the Lord offered as  Holy Communion  

with the Pontiff was not meant to be eaten. 

That pizza will be preserved 

in a climate-controlled 

hermetically-sealed 

room beneath 

the Vatican.

To read more about Italy's Holy Trinity Pizza, click  here.

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The Winningest Hand

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Your hand is in the game 

The game has no name 

When results are the same.

But then you're dealt 

These cards that glow 

For the long shot 

You draw two:

One of them is 

The king of August 

Wearing a Cracker Barrel 

But it is all aces for you!

She leaps across the table 

She leaps across  3 time zones 

You  tell her It is not Heaven.

It is Heaven on Earth.

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Footnote
THE WINNINGEST HAND is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.
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My Daddy Done Told Me...

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He done told me Son 

Reincarnation is 

nothing but fun 

When I die 

and go into seed 

I'm coming back 

to earth as sea weed 

I know it is him 

right there on the jetty 

I say Dad, which pix of mine you like?

He say The ones from the Getty.

I say If someone wants to find them,
  who they gonna call? 

He say Tell 'em "Cruise the gallery of  Wall-2-Wall"
As for this photo you got of the now me,
Tell 'em it's copyrighted with an invisible © 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Happy Birthday, Franny Glass! Thanks For The Memories

________________________________________________________________________________________________

New Yorker
(1955)

In, 1955 a short story by  J. D. Salinger
appeared in the New Yorker Magazine.

It had a one-word title that sounded like
Granny but soooo much younger
and sweeter.

Franny  never went anywhere without
her favorite book.

She even took it into the bathroom
and the allegedly intelligent date
from Yale was totally blind
when Franny had a
nervous breakdown.

It was the weekend of
the Yale-Harvard game.

How dare a girl try to distract
a Yalie from the most important football game of the Ivy League season.


CATCHER IN THE RYE,  Salinger's first published novel, had been published
four years earlier–in 1951–and it would change my life in too many ways to count.

In 1955, I was in love with  Dale Evans,  who only existed on a TV series and in my heart.

But I matured seriously in the next seven years and then had two loves:
Diana Ross and  Cher.  One of them was the supreme voice of the Supremes
while the other was attached to a thing called Sonny.

By then I had read CATCHER IN THE RYE five times and hated everything
that was "phony," which meant–more than anyone or anything else–I hated myself.

But I also read Salinger's

Where did Franny get her name?

2nd novel which had already been
published–in two parts–
in the New Yorker.

It was goodbye to Diana and Cher.

I formed a very exclusive fan club for Franny Glass.

No one but myself could be a member.

As for real girls or women, having affection
for any of them was something I let my friends do.

Real girls required such oddities as conversation
and caring and buying them dinner in order to
get them to unbutton their blouses.

I only believed in real love.

Paul Loves Franny Glass!

Franny was the youngest of seven supremely gifted siblings,
the offspring of vaudevillians Les and Bessie Glass.

One more precocious than the next but only one of them had a nervous breakdown.

In my dreams, I became Franny's doctor who prescribed
nothing more than some high quality hashish.

The more we smoked, the happier she got.

The more we smoked, the more naked we got.

If it wasn't for my dreams, I would have been a virgin on my 30th birthday.

Meanwhile, the next New Yorker page is  here
and the next Salinger/GoFather page is  there.         
________________________________________________________________________________________________

When You Climb Mt. Follicle

________________________________________________________________________________________________

When you get to the top,
Dance the boogie-woogie
or
listen to the title song from  Hair

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Marriage-Saving Misunderstanding

________________________________________________________________________________________________

R  was married to T for three years before Mt. Vesuvius was about to blow.

All indicators determined this to be true
and all friends wished them a satisfying break-up.

Pondering the immediate future, T  considered suicide
the most viable option because his insurance company
would have given R a satisfying dollar amount.

His life insurance had an incredibly rare proviso that did not
deny payment for suicide.

The explanation for this was simple: T was the actuarial whiz
of the Milk of Motherhood Insurance Company.

Certain types of suicide paid a double indemnity.

Exactly one week before their third anniversary,  their entire alphabet
of friends and family could smell the lava fomenting irreversibly.

Just before the epicenter climaxed, however, T quoted THE POEM
and suddenly there was sunshine and tranquility where there
should have been  destruction and fatal enmity.

The poet was a lower-case man from Upper Silesia but the translation
into English was done by a New Jersey high school teacher.

However, the uber-love poem is a copyrighted thing and,
at this time, only paraphrasing can happen.

One verse described her beauty being strong enough
to make a man dream in stereo.

When their friends and family saw R and T celebrating
a third anniversary at  Harry's Bar in Rocky Point,
they thought imposters had assumed
the identities of R and T.

No way could there be such peace and romantic harmony
between these models of marital volcanic substance.   

Every night, for the course of three years, T would read a stanza,
a verse, or a single line from  THE POEM written by xyzski.

Every day, for the course of three years,
R and T were the role models of marital bliss.
 
Whenever married friends or family members were experiencing
discord, they asked T for some comforting words from
the Upper Silesian. He refused to oblige them.

Then he read a New York Times review of the  poet's
first anthology to be published in English.

The review included a historic reference to xyzski's
most popular verse: THE POEM.

Xyzski  wrote that love poem for his fecal offspring.

The toilet, unflushed and near-solid brown, inspired
what T  recited to miraculously save his marriage.

After reading the glowing review of new poems only
the reference to the fecal matter mattered to T.

Never again would he recite any part of THE POEM
to his beloved wife, who within weeks
of the non-recitation decision,
became T's ex-wife.

In the subsequent year, a handful of married people
within their circle of friends filed for divorce
because R  would quote THE POEM
and either the husband or wife–
but never both–would
become  her lover.

Adultery was the prevailing reason for each divorce
and R was exiled from the North Shore of Long Island.

Word has it, she moved to Nebraska only because
she could think of absolutely no reason
to not move to Nebraska.

As for T, nobody knows what happened to the man.

My guess: he was in the process of getting
an intelligence implant.

His refusal to reject the poetic medicine-miracle cure
was due to the learning process or whatever it is
that makes people read the New York Times.

A love poem is a love poem is a love poem
and if  it works repeatedly for anyone,
that person would be utterly stupid
to disconnect from the source
simply because of a detail
about the poem's creation.

The short form for the disease that inflicted T 
is TMI, as in Too Much Information.

Not only is ignorance sometimes bliss
but quite often it is essential for survival.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Just The Two Of Us: LINDA

________________________________________________________________________________________________


Paul, I saw you did a page for Mommy.

Yes, Carol inspired it.

Tell her Thank you. We all like it.

By "We" who do you mean?

Everybody up here, especially Father Frank.

The most recent arrival. When did he die?
Now I remember: less than two years ago.

What a party that was. Not only
Nunna and Minnie cooked
but so did Julia Childs.

Really.

Oh, I hate this picture.
I look so goddam rollie-pollie.

You are waving to me,
every time I look at it.
Sorry,  Sister dear,
but I love it.

And I am really impressed
about the top image:
how humble it was 
for you to  crop yourself 
out of the picture.

It was one of those rare moments
when I was humble despite
the absence of a bullhorn.


 

I liked the original caption*

you had for this cameo 

picture of me in 

Nunna's yard.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

  What's so funny?

Hearing you call your 

paternal grandmother 

Nunna.

That's right. We both 

thought "Nunna and Nanootz"

meant Mr. and Mrs. Knucklehead. 

Do you remember this one?

Sure, it was your Confirmation.
Why did you crop out Judy?

I am protecting her identity.
She is not an "Oliverio 2.0"

Father Frank claims you
got that phrase from him.
He called Daddy and Aunt Kay,
long after they died.


Don't believe everything
that priest says. I came up
with it on my own.
The dead Oliverios
seemed to be the only ones
who truly loved me.
It started with a picture
of Aunt Kay.

Did you know Aunt Kay
and Aunt Jean are 
inseparable?

It doesn't surprise me.
My father's sister
and my mother's sister
were both the most vital
forces of their families.

The time you flew 6000 miles
and drove Kay and Esther
60 miles to Rocky Point
to see Jean and Betty...

What about it?

Both your mother and father cried that day.

I'm honored. They cried but what about you.

I laughed but louder than usual.
EVERYTHING you do makes me laugh.

Nothing can make me happier
than to hear you say that, Sister.
But does that include the stuff I say
that really pisses off Carol?

Of course it does but it makes 
Father Frank roll over laughing.

Why?

Because it means she is gonna ultimately
learn what it truly means to be with an Oliverio.

I will be sure to tell her that.

Sorry, Brother, but I gotta go. Kiss Carol for me and for Eleanor and for Stanley.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnotes
The top two images are from Rocky Point and the middle image is from Cedarhurst.

The bottom two images are both from Whitestone.

The former was taken in the backyard and is the only surviving
image of  myself with BOTH sisters.

The full image is posted on the absolute bottom
of every  GoodFather of Math  page.

The latter is from the front yard with the original surviving
snapshot being no bigger than what you see here
but, in 2004, "Kinko's" both enlarged
and colorized it.

Then I had it framed.

It is mounted on the wall,  within inches of this desk.

The next Linda page is  here.

The equivalent of "Just the Two of Us: Sam" is  there.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Can You Name The Artist?

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Unknown
White Sands of Fire Island
(2011) 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Judge Judy Judgment Censored By Sponsors

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The  Institute of Inane Research  has discovered 

the manuscript of a  JUDGE JUDY   case 

never saw the light of the cameras.

The case of Gentry vs Gentry resulted in 

a bombastic alimony settlement.

The numbers involved have been the subject 

of scholarly investigation: record-breaking 

division of property upon divorce 

proceedings brought about 

by nothing more than 

a Saturday visit 

to a store.

THE VERDICT
It is undeniably cruel and unusual punishment when a husband 

    demands a wife  accompany him into a Walmart store. 

Michael Gentry, who had copyrighted the common comma ( , )  

had accumulated a personal worth of $400 million.

Vanessa Arlen, a Burbank waitress, had a personal worth of $542.19 

when she married Michael at St. Fidelis RC Church on October 11, 2010.

As a result of the verdict, for all intents and purposes, the personal worth 

of the husband and wife have been reversed. 

But Mr. Gentry has been  offered a job as a Walmart greeter 

at the location of his choice.

The  next Institute of Inane page is  here.

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505 x 5 = 2525 = Zager & Evans

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Zager & Evans
The #1 song of 1969

  In the year 2525
  If man is still alive
  If woman can survive...
 
  ...
  ...
  ...

  In the year 8510
  God is gonna shake
  His mighty head again
 
  He'll either say,
"I'm pleased where man has been"
  Or tear it down, and start again




________________________________________________________________________________________________

While Listening To Sad-Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________

Her slide-rule smile
and silhouette logic
with geranium footsteps
then the light turned green

My florentine focus
and vinyl wishes
with strawberry punctuation
across scene

Our cucumber fire
with glad-handed good-bye
and exit eyes
what does it mean?

Her warehouse hides my Arabian drums

_______________________________________
________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnote
WHILE LISTENING TO SAD-EYED LADY OF THE LOWLANDS
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Photoverio © (#80): December, 2008

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio
December 2008:
My five mile Firenze walk  

She stared at me
as I walked by
niched against
the Italian sky.

Firenze
the natives
call it.

Florence
the world
calls it.

On the banks
of the River Arno

Where  Dante
found Beatrice

Where Dante
rolled the dice

Sometimes,
he won Paradise.

Sometimes,
he lost.

To her I did not say
Scusi, mi parlo
solo Igles

She spoke my language.

She was my Divine Comedy

Now, I must read the book. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Just The Two Of Us: Grace

________________________________________________________________________________________________


I am now fifteen years older than my mother ever lived and
at least  forty years older than when she took this picture.
If I stare at it long enough than I am on my knees,
looking through a keyhole and all
I want to say is  I'm sorry.

Until my last breath, I will always be her little boy

But Paul,
you did 
nothing 
wrong.

What would 
you like for 
dinner?

For you 
to repeat
that statement
100 times
or say anything
that comes to mind.

But Paul,
you did 
nothing 
wrong?

What would 
you like for 
dinner.

Again

But Paul,
you did 
nothing 
wrong.

What would 
you like for 
dinner?

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Andrew Loog OldHam Diary

________________________________________________________________________________________________


The  Institute of Inane Research  has discovered fragments of a 1963 diary
kept by Andrew Loog Oldham, who famously managed this British rock band.

In 2014, Mr. Oldham was inducted into
the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

April 11, 1963 

Four boys approached me.

They wanted to form a barbershop quartet.

I said NO!

Maybe a pickpocket quartet.

April 22, 1963 

I introduce the four boys to  Brian Jones.

Brian plays twelve different instruments 

and believes God sits at Muddy Waters' right hand.

He has a name for the band, the Rolling Stones.

He teaches Michael Jagger how to dance.

He teaches Keith Richards 

how to play blues guitar.

November 10, 1963 

The band has written a song 

(Can't Get No) Sleepification.

It needs work 

but it has a great beat.

The next Institute of Inane page is  here.

Another Andrew Oldham page is  there.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Photoverio © (#79): Power Source

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio
Saturday Sony Cyber Shot Mission #5
(3/14/15) 

Let them shout from the lowest gutter
Let them shout from the highest steeple
We'll help them when they sputter
Power to the people

Give it to them black or white
Give it to them short or tall
We'll let them see the light
Utility bills for one & all 

  






________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnote
POWER SOURCE is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

When This One Meets That One

________________________________________________________________________________________________

THAT

WILL

BE

THE

DAY

when the heavens


ERUPT

ONCE

WHEN

THEY

WAS

YOUNG

I get twisted of tongue


Grace the Elder
+
Eleanor the Always

will stop rolling dice


The Stanley
+
The Sam

will say  Oh Man, It Just Had To Happen
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Time Out Time In

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________

He and she both quibble and doubt

every other day

they need a time out

Regarding the other

neither can do without

even with the quibbles

even with the shout

Last night to the other

both said Go To Hell

next morning with a smile

they'll say Are You Well

Regarding the other

neither can do without

as if tiny children

they always need a time out

Last week to the other

both said May Your Death Soon Come

this week peace will be offered 

with strawberry chewing gum

His breath is her breath

whether they hear it or not

her life is his life

whether cold or hot

They will always parry
they will always bother
 they will always Hail Mary
they will always Our Father

Next to the swan
with the waterfall was this
they can hate with white heat
but there is the white kiss

 

_______________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnote

TIME OUT TIME IN is the copyrighted property of LCSoL. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two Gods & Twelve Strings

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Buddy Guy

 Eric Clapton  

had this to say about Buddy Guy:

By far, and without a doubt 

he is the best guitar player alive.

When two guitar Gods met on stage, in 1968,

the musical vision was so strong, the video quality 

leaves much to be desired but your ears will react 

as if they were wearing high heal sneakers.

The other guitar God was none less than Jimi Hendrix.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Poem That Wouldn't

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________

The poem would not come down from the tree

thought it was a cat who wanted to be free

free of rhyme, free of meter

but somebody has to feed her

verse for verse, kiss for kiss

this for that, that for this

_______________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnote

THE POEM THAT WOULDN'T is the copyrighted property of LCSoL. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________