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Despite your self-proclaimed vegetarian sense of humor
(you repeatedly say "Every day I consume Onion News")
the GooFather of Math neglected
to acknowledge us in your
Thousand Page Salute
We hereby forgive Mr. Oliverio
but you better not ask us
for a job until you
have read some more
Flann O'Brien
We gave you this quotatious page
but we'll take your format-
challenged bullet page.
PS
You shouldn't have
sold your iPad.
PPS
Contrary to the caption,
the next Onion News page is here.
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