It began as the GODFATHER OF MATH, evolved into the GOODFATHER OF MATH. Now this. Go figure...

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = G. CARLIN...Stain glass, engraved glass, frosted glass
–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES ... Music is the mathematics of the gods=PYTHAGORAS ... Nothing is more fluid than language = R. L. SWIHART
I cannot live without the oxygen of laughter = DAWN POWELL ... But laughter cannot survive without the hydrogen of gravitas = PAUL OLIVERIO

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

What A Little Job Promotion Can Do


He dressed better, he looked better,
and he felt better.

No more soiled tee shirts
with four days growth.

No more suicidal thoughts for a life
lived without a past, present
or future.

It is amazing what a job promotion will do.

Vito Fargo, his boss at Cosmic Beef Grinders,
promoted Anthony Wirdliss to Head Shoplifter,
Walmart Division.

Chop Meat results from slabs of beef
squeezed through a grinding machine.

But Cosmic Beef was merchandise
that Vito Fargo's  "butcher shop"
converted into cold cash.

Anthony Wirdliss was a reluctant employee
who could only heist packs of gum, 
and pairs of avocados.

He never shoplifted anything bigger than
a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes.

But then he dreamt about reading a book
entitled  The Shoplifter's Guide to Walmart.

He awoke from the dream
and drank a cup
of tea.

He went back to sleep
and the dream resumed.

Specifically, he read a chapter
about "entertainment centers."

His rags turned to riches when he presented
Vito Fargo with a Samsung 55"
QLED 4K plasma television.

Two days later, Anthony lifted a  Samsung 65"
and a Sony 75" TV with high dynamic range!

The new Head Shoplifter repeated
this trifecta seven times in as many Alabama 
Walmart Superstores.

And then Anthony Wirdless remembered:
he hadn't talked to his mother
for seven years.

His mother had been living happily
in a retirement community
in central Florida.

She was living happily
partly because, for seven years,
she never heard from
her ne'er-do-well son.

But now, he was driving to Florida
in a brand new Honda, courtesy
of Vito Fargo.

He and his mother
spent four days
at Disneyworld.

Neither could have been happier.

But Anthony Wirdless
had a fantasy:

He was going to get 
everyone in his mother's
retirement community
a brand new Amana refrigerator.

And it would not cost him
one cent.   

is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.

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