He dressed better, he looked better,
and he felt better.
No more soiled tee shirts
with four days growth.
No more suicidal thoughts for a life
lived without a past, present
or future.
It is amazing what a job promotion will do.
Vito Fargo, his boss at Cosmic Beef Grinders,
promoted Anthony Wirdliss to Head Shoplifter,
Walmart Division.
Chop Meat results from slabs of beef
squeezed through a grinding machine.
But Cosmic Beef was merchandise
that Vito Fargo's "butcher shop"
converted into cold cash.
Anthony Wirdliss was a reluctant employee
who could only heist packs of gum,
and pairs of avocados.
He never shoplifted anything bigger than
a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
But then he dreamt about reading a book
entitled The Shoplifter's Guide to Walmart.
He awoke from the dream
and drank a cup
of tea.
He went back to sleep
and the dream resumed.
Specifically, he read a chapter
about "entertainment centers."
His rags turned to riches when he presented
Vito Fargo with a Samsung 55"
QLED 4K plasma television.
Two days later, Anthony lifted a Samsung 65"
and a Sony 75" TV with high dynamic range!
The new Head Shoplifter repeated
this trifecta seven times in as many Alabama
Walmart Superstores.
And then Anthony Wirdless remembered:
he hadn't talked to his mother
for seven years.
His mother had been living happily
in a retirement community
in central Florida.
She was living happily
partly because, for seven years,
she never heard from
her ne'er-do-well son.
But now, he was driving to Florida
in a brand new Honda, courtesy
of Vito Fargo.
He and his mother
spent four days
at Disneyworld.
Neither could have been happier.
But Anthony Wirdless
had a fantasy:
He was going to get
everyone in his mother's
retirement community
a brand new Amana refrigerator.
And it would not cost him
one cent.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
and he felt better.
No more soiled tee shirts
with four days growth.
No more suicidal thoughts for a life
lived without a past, present
or future.
It is amazing what a job promotion will do.
Vito Fargo, his boss at Cosmic Beef Grinders,
promoted Anthony Wirdliss to Head Shoplifter,
Walmart Division.
Chop Meat results from slabs of beef
squeezed through a grinding machine.
But Cosmic Beef was merchandise
that Vito Fargo's "butcher shop"
converted into cold cash.
Anthony Wirdliss was a reluctant employee
who could only heist packs of gum,
and pairs of avocados.
He never shoplifted anything bigger than
a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
But then he dreamt about reading a book
entitled The Shoplifter's Guide to Walmart.
He awoke from the dream
and drank a cup
of tea.
He went back to sleep
and the dream resumed.
Specifically, he read a chapter
about "entertainment centers."
His rags turned to riches when he presented
Vito Fargo with a Samsung 55"
QLED 4K plasma television.
Two days later, Anthony lifted a Samsung 65"
and a Sony 75" TV with high dynamic range!
The new Head Shoplifter repeated
this trifecta seven times in as many Alabama
Walmart Superstores.
And then Anthony Wirdless remembered:
he hadn't talked to his mother
for seven years.
His mother had been living happily
in a retirement community
in central Florida.
She was living happily
partly because, for seven years,
she never heard from
her ne'er-do-well son.
But now, he was driving to Florida
in a brand new Honda, courtesy
of Vito Fargo.
He and his mother
spent four days
at Disneyworld.
Neither could have been happier.
But Anthony Wirdless
had a fantasy:
He was going to get
everyone in his mother's
retirement community
a brand new Amana refrigerator.
And it would not cost him
one cent.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Footnote
WHAT A LITTLE JOB PROMOTION CAN DO
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
WHAT A LITTLE JOB PROMOTION CAN DO
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
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