The 213th Bullet ... Speaking Terms

________________________________________________________________________________________________   

All music

is dance music

if you are on

speaking terms

with your feet 

 ***

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Footnote

THE 213th BULLET

is the copyrighted property

of LCSoL

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Please Ignore This Utterly Personal Page

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today is your 

only grandson's birthday

He is responsible

for two

of your seven

great-grandchildren

They live in Brooklyn

but I have never met

his wife

though I've been told

"she is a work of art"

 

Your living daughter

is 

"71 going on 39"

 

Her youngest

—named after YOU—

just gave birth

to my sister's

seventh grandchild

 

The first-born

of your living daughter

married inter-racially

and as a result

their non-twin offspring

are cuter than

a basket of chips

 

Her middle daughter

has fraternal twins,

just like today's birthday boy

 

I am certain

his birthday

is being celebrated

in one or more 

of four states

[NY, MD, PA, VA]

This image of YOU

has cropped out 

everyone but your Father,

the custom tailor

who designed suits

for the Everly Brothers

et al

My Dad was cropped

because he is too busy

with the Heavenly Mafia

to guarantee

no evil falls upon

anyone of the living

related to you

not named

"Paul Edward Oliverio"

 

 

The other people

cropped from this

ANASTASIO OCTET

photograph

pity all those under thirty

unfamiliar with

Phil + Don Everly

but 

most of that age group

are somewhat familiar

with the four lads

from Liverpool

the Everly Brothers

 helped traverse

Across the Universe

 

PS

Happy Googling to anyone

who ignored the title

of this page and

please remember

Love is All You Need  

   

 

Thanks 4 being full of Grace

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Greatest Story Ever Told By VELVET UNDERGROUND

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 The Gift

 

!!!                              The Story Continues  Here

________________________________________________________________________________________________

PhotoVerio # 895: More Sic Stuff

________________________________________________________________________________________________

LOVERS' LANE

AT 

SUNRISE 

with "Palm Palms"

Cheer Leading 

in the Sky

***   © Oliverio   ***

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Just Do As I Say ... (Comic Relief #6290)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

LALO ALCARAZ

________________________________________________________________________________________________

PhotoVerio #894: I Wish I Were ...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Prayers For Everyday Life ... By IAN FRAZIER

________________________________________________________________________________________________

IAN FRAZIER

 

***************************

God Almighty

Please grant my girlfriend

the wisdom to 

NOT sit directly behind

the guy from the

"Free Frijoles" booth

at the church fair

His bean farts

were so loud

the pews were shaking

O Holy Father

Who is the Patron Saint of

toxic incense?

"Ian Frazier"

as impersonated by

© PAUL OLIVERIO ©

 🙏🙏🙏

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Regarding ONLY Authors From ≈ North Of 1950 ...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Lawrence Block //  Sue Grafton 

  // Evan Hunter //

 Mickey Spillane // Joseph Wambaugh

 

What these authors

have in common

—indisputably—

is that each one

is a Grandmaster

in 

the art of crime fiction

+

he/she

writes

almost exclusively

in that genre

 

None of them is a stranger

to the "Best-Seller" list

and each writer

is a  world-class juggler

of every emotion

under the sun

 

BEWARE:

Reading these authors

in a public place

can be dangerous

because you may

laugh out loud

without warning

and then shout

obscenities

direct from the author's

script

 

 

HOWEVER,

all crime fiction addicts

will tell you

that you would never mistake 

a Joseph Wambaugh novel

for a Lawrence Block

and Sue Grafton would be

impossible to mistake 

for Mickey Spillane

 

 The problem this blogger

 has with the name 

"Evan Hunter"

is due to having 

his bookcases 

overflowing with

novels written by

"Ed McBain"

who happens to be

the very same person as

"Evan Hunter"

  

FINALLY

I arrive at a conclusion

guaranteed to be

one-hundred percent truth

!!!

 

When each of these 

Crime Fiction Grandmasters

was a toddler,

the short-story collection

featured below

was read aloud to them

by an adult

 

DASHIELL HAMMETT

 ***

 

My sincere apologies

to author James Ellroy

and his gazillion fans

 

I can only justify

his exclusion

from this list

by the cold-sweat nightmares

I had after reading

THE BLACK DAHLIA

thirty years ago

 

I was too chickenshit

to read anything else

by him

 

Like Lawrence Block,

Ellroy is the only

other author

still strutting his stuff

on Planet Earth

!!! 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

From "God" To "McCarthys" To The "Reunion Co-ordinator"

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

This former student from my

JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL

co-ordinated 

a 30th year Class Reunion

 

At this time,

I will only give her initials

—CC—

because she is 

much too easy

on the eyes

and I don't want 

the wrong people

attempting to track her down

 

The follow-up page

will  be about 

the most important

teacher in her life

 

Regarding the image below,

let it be known

that Mr. Oliverio was

the Yearbook editor

for both

the Class of '90

+

the Class of '91

 

This image is

undersized

to partially protect

the names of those

who already

accepted the invitations

to attend

the class reunion

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

With Apologies To MARY McCARTHY For The Cropped Photo

________________________________________________________________________________________________

MISSING MISS SYLVIE

***

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Enough Ceiling Space For GOD to Stretch Out His Legs

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© PhotoVerio #893.5                                     2012

***

 

With apologies 

to those

 aware of 

the acronym

G. O. D.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

PhotoVerio #893: Parallelist Surrealist Self-Portrait

________________________________________________________________________________________________

© Oliverio               2006

________________________________________________________________________________________________

HOODA HELAMI ... Never Met A Man

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I never met a man

I couldn't see through,

talking to me

like I was

his old brown shoe

"It's great to have

a full life,"

he said

though his could be

measured in strife

"I always think about

when we were

in the 9th grade

—what was the teacher's name?"

I was smothered with shame

because he never knew my name

"Well, Tom, Dick, or Harry.

How many times did you marry?"

 

Before I could answer,

he said

"Me? I could never

find the right woman,

so I stopped looking

under the couch."

 

OUCH

 

I know my attitude stinks

but he paid for all the drinks

and to tell you the truth:

I passed out

before the ninth 

vermouth 

 ***

HOODA HELAMI

Alter Ego #142857

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Who Said ... I NEVER MET A MAN I DIDN"T LIKE?

________________________________________________________________________________________________

***

 

The one person 

 younger than thirty

who responds

"WILL ROGERS"

is correct

and is guaranteed 

to bed down

the hottest body

within thirty feet

of him/her

 

This person

also receives 

reverberating applause

from everyone 

in the room

 

When that applause is neutered,

the person who asked the question

[also known as Mr. WhozWho]

automatically says

"Next Question"

 

Virtually

everyone in this "room"

will go home

as a happy camper

with the exception being

the aforementioned

"hottest body"

who was horribly disappointed

by some lifeless

flesh and bones

***

***

***

 

Politically speaking,
nothing is more satisfying to

this former math teacher than

President Trump's demolition of

The United States Department of Education

 

I only wish someone 

of his acquaintance

had the intelligence to quote

WILL ROGERS'

on the subject known as 

 "Public Education"

 ***

 

 

What Mr. Rogers said 

was approximately this:

 

Look at what Prohibition

did to the

United States of America:

By outlawing the consumption

of alcohol, 

bootleggers  became

as common as 

next-door neighbors.

The national consumption

of illegal alcohol

 was light-years higher than

the consumption of

legal alcohol

for the fifty years 

prior to Prohibition

!!!

!

 ! 

.

It is now time

paraphrase 

Mr. WhozWho

and move to the

"Next Topic"

*

*

*

According to the Good People

who teach in our public schools,

virtually all third-graders

can spell the word

CAT 

correctly

but if you ask them to spell

SCAT,

their world turns

upside down

 

 

87% of the same students

spell SCAT

with a K

as in

SKAT

 

I would rather send

my 3rd grade-nephews to bed

than to a public school

 

So I think I have a solution:

 

Let's prohibit education

because of  the precedent set

 !!!

 

The previous prohibition

created an insatiable lust

for alcohol

Following the same logic,

we can create 

a lust for learning

in the classroom

—public or private—

 

Students will no longer

want teachers

who are "nice"

 

They will want teachers

who are smart

and open their brains

in front of the class

so there is 

enough room

for students

to reach in

and stuff the results 

into their own brains

until their bodies

shine with intelligence

while waving goodbye

to ignorance and 

embarrassing

test scores

 !!!

 

 ***  Now feast on HIS other wisdom

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Maybe You've Heard These Before ...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The only reason I work

is so I afford a psychiatrist

and tell him how much

I hate my job

_________

_________

My parents were so cheap,

they bought used  Pampers.

Whenever they paid me a compliment,

I had to give them

a receipt

_________

_________

 

 

The pair of short lines  

appearing

between and below 

the "one liners"

each contain

nine keystrokes

because I will 

present evidence 

that nine dollars

was offered as payment

to the writer

who submitted them to

COMEDY UNLIMITED

 

The writer is Paul Oliverio

who may shock you

by displaying

a rare moment 

of humility:

 

The upper right-hand corner

of the letter below

is my last legal address

as a New York resident

(but not my name)

 

The lower right-hand corner

is cropped below the sign-off

omitting the signature of 

ROBERT ORBEN

 

That signature belonged to

a man who wrote jokes for

Bob Hope, Dick Gregory,

+

two Presidents of 

the United States

 

**************************

PS

For reasons

beyond memory,

I declined 

Bob Orben's 

1981 offer of 

$18

 

PPS

Dearest Reader:

I hereby present you with

a six-pack 

of copyright symbols

©©©

©©©

please distribute them

where they belong

within the text 

of this page  

______________________________________________________________________________________________

A Security Guard Could Have Been Fired For What He Said To Me

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

A security guard 

at Jefferson High School

in Los Angeles

escorted me across campus

so I could visit a friend

in the Main Office

He was grateful

when I told him about 

JOE KELLY,

a Jefferson student

who made it to 

the Superbowl

The security guard

then pointed out

"New Construction"

in the middle of the campus:

It's a half-billion dollar project

that was scheduled to be

finished three years ago.

We call it 

THE BOONDOGGLE

!!!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

The New Math ... Discovered By This Sic WORDLE-HOLIC

________________________________________________________________________________________________

***

1 + 49 + 292 + 466 + 259 + 82 = 1149

1149 ÷ 1165 ≈ .9863

which

[according to the New Math]

 gets rounded DOWN

to 98%

f!@#u$%^&k

Maybe 

I get penalized

when I do this puzzle

without my dentures

but with a cigaret butt

in my mouth

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Killer Bees ... Musically Speaking, That Is

________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is the end

of a six-month 

project

!!!

This short song list

contains selections

whose performers

—alphabetically—

begin with the letter

B

 

Six months ago,

I started listening

to ALL pieces of music

in my "iTunes file"

that had been played

only once

 

Approximately 2000 tracks

fit that description

 

The project will end

shortly after

posting this page

 

Unlike the other artists,

BLIND WILLIE McTELL

is listed twice

because his is probably

the least known name

above 

and the 12-string

folk blues musician

deserves YOUR attention

***

 

Now,

the reader of this page

can rightfully ask

"Do I really need

to know about this?"

and obviously

the answer is 

NO

but

I feel obligated to

get philosophical:

 

Sometimes when you do something,

another thing comes to mind

 

That is what happened here

upon accepting the stereotype

about 

"Italians being hardheaded"

 

I do not

and will never

subscribe to Spotify

or any other 

streaming music service

 because the music 

I listen to

on my laptop

MUST be hand-selected

or purchased by

Paul Oliverio

and

no "service"

will ever

pick what 

singers/bands/orchestras

I get to choose from

 

Capece? 

________________________________________________________________________________________________