Mayo Madness

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It has always been easier

to say what 

I am going to do

than to do

what I say

 

For example,

the other night

when I said

"Tomorrow, I will 

smear my face

with mayonaisse,"

I sincerely meant it

 

At the precise moment

I made that statement,

I could feel

the slithery sensation

of 

a smooth creamy substance

caressing my skin

 

I envisioned the reaction

of people at work,

confirming their suspicions

about me

 

"It's part of an experimnt

for the CIA, I swear"

 

My boss would say

"Kramer is ill.

We'll have to send him home"

 

I was really excited that night,

just thinking

about tomorrow

 

BUT

when "tomorrow"

became "today,"

the idea of coating my face 

with mayonaisse

seemed totally preposterous.

 

So I just ate a quick breakfast

and packed a sandwich

in a brown paper bag.

 

Someone remarked at lunch

—after I finished my tuna sandwich—

"Kramer,

you got some mayonaisse

on your cheek"

 

I just laughed and said 

"Thanks for telling me"

***

***

 

© Paul Oliverio ©

1978  

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