It began as the GODFATHER OF MATH, evolved into the GOODFATHER OF MATH. Now this. Go figure...

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The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = G. CARLIN...Stain glass, engraved glass, frosted glass
–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES ... Music is the mathematics of the gods=PYTHAGORAS ... Nothing is more fluid than language = R. L. SWIHART
I cannot live without the oxygen of laughter = DAWN POWELL ... !!! ... But laughter cannot survive without the hydrogen of gravitas = PAUL OLIVERIO
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Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Republicans' Demands For Upcoming Debates

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 WE DEMAND...






 •    All moderators to be quarantined from society 
18 months prior to debate to eliminate bias
.
     
•    Statute of limitations prohibiting questioning 
candidate  about any statements made 
more than 60 seconds in the past
.
   
•    Mechanized, continuously rotating debate stage 
gives every candidate equal time at center podium
.
   
•    No questions from, for, or about women
.
   
•    At least one tray of pigs in a blanket 
during pre-debate luncheon
.
   
•    All questions must be prefaced with personalized 
compliment about candidate’s policies or appearance.

   
•    One consequence-free tirade against any 
marginalized group of each candidate’s choosing
.
   
•    Rule stating that any participant thrown off stage 
by another candidate automatically disqualified 
from presidential campaign
.
   
•    Safe podium space for all candidates made 
uncomfortable by line of questioning
.
   
•    Multiple-choice section
.
   
•    Each candidate given five paper DebateBucks 
they can use at any time to buy new questions 
from moderator.

   
•    When a candidate A causes the debate ball to go 
out of play, candidate B will start at the top 
of the key and check the ball 
before resuming play

   
•    Every candidate allowed to deliver five minutes 
of closing personal attacks

Onion News
Non-italic text is verbatim

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