The Not So Lonely Sojourn Of Hank Haligram ... Chapter 1

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"I can't play backgammon, I hurt my back,"

he exclaimed to no one in particular.

Actually, he said it to no one

because he was home alone

except for his constant
companion, Agony.

There was a knock on the door

but Hank Haligram did not move
from his Barcalounger and, in truth,

there was no reason to do so.

Knock on the door

was code for any sound

created by his cat.

Agony was hungry despite being fed

a huge bowl of potato chips
by his master.

There was also a mustard dip

and a bowl of milk, slightly soured.

The television was tuned

to Channel 666 and the volume

contained as many decibels.

Hank called it the

DONALD TRUMP NETWORK 

and whenever the President farted,

the replay was in slow motion

with a ticker at the bottom of the screen

indicating the daily frequency

of Trump's flatulence.

Three years ago, Hank's wife moved out

of their Howard Beach home,

along with their three daughters

but Hank could only remember

two of their names.

The youngest daughter,

nine-year-old Amber,

persuaded her sisters

to pack up their mother's belongings

along with their own.

They loaded the Ford Bronco

in the middle of the night

while their parents slept.

The next morning, their mother

drove them to school and

—much to her delight—

the girls forced her 

to drive to California.

Hank did not realize they were gone

until two days after they left.

When he noticed that the refrigerator

was empty, he knew something was amiss.

So all he did that day was count his money.

Everywhere he looked, there were stacks

of twenty dollar bills.

Five hours later, he fell asleep

only to be awakened by chest pains.

Agony was spread-eagled on his chest,
meowing for more mustard dip.
***

The man who could not play backgammon

because he hurt his back often said

that he had a wife and children

but they may very well have been

a hallucination.

Hallucinatory drugs were never

to far from Hank's mind.

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