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Stewart Buckley was nicknamed
Neverstu
but the last syllable had nothing
to do
with the name Stewart
Neverstu was a gluing of two words:
the second of which
was missing a syllable
Stewart Buckley was Never Stupid
He worked for a think tank called
Brains 'R Us
an affiliate of Toys 'R Us
Think tanks like Brains 'R Us
Think tanks like Brains 'R Us
are hired by governments or corporations
for very large sums of money
because they developed ideas
that mere mortals are incapable
of ever thinking
Stewart Buckley's intelligence
was a 24/7 concept
He used logic like a flannel blanket
Complex ideas were reduced to
soft and warm words
when explained by
Stewart Buckley
But when Toys R' Us went bankrupt,
the extraordinarily lucrative
Brains R' Us had the option
to survive independently
or dissolve its resources
It chose the latter and Stewart Buckley
—with immeasurable wealth—
retired at the age of forty-nine
When the company celebrated
his forty-eighth birthday
at the Waldorf-Astoria
on Park Avenue,
his colleagues surreptitiously
began plans to honor
Stewart's Big 5-0
They intended to rent a hotel
in Tahiti, occupied by no one
but employees of Brains R' Us
and serviced exclusively
by the beautiful natives
But Brains R' Us
was a thing of the past
by the time
Stewart Buckley
became
a fifty year-old
***
***
It wasn't until three days
after that landmark birthday
that Stewart realized
he was no longer
forty-nine years-old
He had been completely absorbed
in a postcard he received from AARP
He memorized it word-for word
and was utterly engrossed
by the special benefits
afforded those who
qualified for the
Association of American
Retired People
When he realized his birthday
had passed, he wanted to call
his girlfriend but he could not
remember her phone number
Nor could he remember the times table
or anything that involved
the smallest degree
of intelligence
However, he did always know
what time Dr. Phil
aired on his TV,
which took up
an entire wall
in his home
Stewart Buckley did not
believe in God but
was deathly afraid of Him
He believed in Dr. Phil
who was broadcast life-size
on the wall that Stewart
occasionally walked into
with gusto
That explains why Stewart's nose
was flattened and why
he walked around
knock-kneed
He felt the same way
about Rachel Maddow
and Sean Hannity
Polar opposites
those two newscasters might be
but they fulfilled all thoughts
that might have evolved
in the days when
Stewart was never stupid
Stewart's lips were bloated
from trying to kiss
Rachel Maddow
and his hand swelled
from high-fiving
Sean Hannity
The danger of being intelligent 24/7
is the reciprocal moment
when the same thing happens
to ignorance
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Footnotes
THEY CALL HIM NEVERSTU
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL
We would like to thank
for use of his surname
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