It began as the GODFATHER OF MATH, evolved into the GOODFATHER OF MATH. Now this. Go figure...

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The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = G. CARLIN...Stain glass, engraved glass, frosted glass
–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES ... Music is the mathematics of the gods=PYTHAGORAS ... Nothing is more fluid than language = R. L. SWIHART
I cannot live without the oxygen of laughter = DAWN POWELL ... !!! ... But laughter cannot survive without the hydrogen of gravitas = PAUL OLIVERIO
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Tuesday, September 7, 2021

What My Pastor Said About That Sacrilegious Photograph

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 I was able to access
the church statuary
lastWednesday
after my morning walk
to Starbucks
 
When I had left home,
the sky was gun-metal grey
which was perfect weather
for a perambulation
 
Unannounced, 
the big yellow ball
hijacked the sky
immediately after
I left the coffee shop
 
There was
virtually no shade
for the next mile 
 
All I could think about
was the cool shade
under the nave
of St. Anthony's
 
I hadn't intended to
go to church
but it was one block east
of my route home
 
However, 
all doors and the front gate
of the church
were locked
 
Not so for the back gate
 
So I entered the statuary
 But something was burning
and it was my feet
 
Being an old-school 
kind of guy,
my oldest socks
were my favorite
 
There was a slim chance 
that they had been purchased
this millennium
 
But now
my feet were on fire
and they were the reason
 
So
I sat under a shade tree
in front of St. Anthony
 
Quickly,
I removed the shoes
and the inflammatory socks
 
There was barefoot relief 
and a  National Lampoon notion
of a hagiographic photo
 and
(of course)
disposal of the tattered hose
 
However,
Somebody shouted
with a sense of urgency:
 
 You're not supposed
to be in here
I have to lock the  gate
 
That was Reggie
—school security guard—
who knows me
from my church gig
as a bagman an usher
 
I was off church property
quicker than you can say 
the HAIL MARY prayer
 
The photo had been taken
the feet were shod socklessly
but what I hadn't done
was move the socks
from their sacrilegious position
 
 
Then along came First Friday
when the CarPeos
go to church
(Sundays are too crowded
and Covid-ish for our liking)
 
I zapped my way 
through a speed recital 
of the  Rosary
out of guilt
for my "funny photo"
 
After mass,
I asked Father George
if anyone had brought
to his attention
 
"No"
he said
(Thank God)
 
So I confessed my sin
and
he said
 
You did nothing wrong
Even saints need socks
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