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"May I please speak with the Inspector?"
"One moment please."
"Thank you."
...
"Hello?"
"Yes, Inspector Kramer?"
"Speaking."
"This is Mr. Anonymouse,
from Verifiable Nonsense Consultants."
"Hmmmm.
What can I do for you, Mr. Anonymouse?"
"It has been brought to our attention
that in the execution of your duties,
you perform without the least bit
of humor or wit."
"That statement
is completely accurate, Sir."
"You do not dispute this claim?"
"Absolutely not because
there is nothing funny
about being an inspector
when the sole purpose of my job
is to appease the King's appetite
for filling his prison.
"He claims
its construction was divinely inspired.
It was built by his three cousins:
Shem, Ham and Japheth."
"Like the three sons of Noah."
"Yes, but they bear
a closer resemblance
to the Three Stooges.
Anyway, The King believes
that which is divinely inspired
must be occupied."
"Then why doesn't the King
live there?"
"Because he feels he is unworthy."
"Unworthy!
Then tell me:
where does the King live?"
"In a Bronx tenement,
disguised as an auto mechanic."
"Bizarre."
"Yes, bizarre but logical:
like all people of noble origin,
the king was born with a silver spoon
in his mouth.
However, the spoon
was coated with silver spray paint
whose toxic ingredients
caused brain damage
at an early age."
"Really?"
"Yes, really and truly.
Will there be any further questions,
Mr. Anonymouse?"
"No further questions, Inspector Kramer,
but promise me one thing."
"Which is?
"You never received this phone call."
"I haven't heard a word you said, Sir."
"Thank you."
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Footnotes
HE SAID ... SHE SAID...
THEN ALONG CAME THE INSPECTOR
is the copyrighted property of LCSoL
Under the title, "The Inspector,"
this page was originally written
on January 2, 1978
It was dedicated to Maxim Gorky
and the Port Jefferson Slavic Center
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